Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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