all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
