I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
