32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just cut my nipple shaving
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
