It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I can tuck mytits in my pants
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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