Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
