Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
