I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
