As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
