ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
