This is not my ceiling
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
as a side note pls kill me
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
