What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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