So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The power of my boobs compel you
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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