Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
