Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
