she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Floor bacon is actually really good
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
