There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
