so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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