I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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