I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
