dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
