I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
