He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
