Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
