he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You're like the curious george of whores
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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