they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
