Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
