I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
