Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
