so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
