We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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