Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
