About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
