Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
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