too bad you live with your parents still
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
