You're so nebulous sometimes
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
