What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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