You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
