You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
