trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
