She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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