I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
