Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
