You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
