No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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