speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
