you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
