I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
