You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
