I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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