Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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