I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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